December 2008

The greatest gift we can give each other is our aliveness

December 29, 2008

I’ve talked a lot about attraction over on RSDN. Sometimes guys over there worry about their age, their thinning hair, their weight, their lack of a car (lol , and so forth. I always tell them attraction, for men and women, has very little to do with any of those superficial factors and everything to [...]

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Special Relationships, Holy Relationships, and A New Polyamorous View of Intimacy?

December 28, 2008

This is a topic close to my heart. I don’t have all the answers yet of course, and your feedback is always welcome. Please note this entry has a lot of quotations from A Course in Miracles, so if that’s not your cup of tea, you may want to wait for the next blog entry [...]

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Clarifying Intentions on this Blog – Relationships Are A Two-Way Street

December 25, 2008

It has come up a few times lately, so it seems worth addressing: Yes, on this blog, I tend to make suggestions for what men can do to help facilitate a particular emotional response in a woman (i.e., attraction and comfort). It is my hope that because I am a woman and have focused careful [...]

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Empathy

December 24, 2008

If you hear the girl’s painful feelings as criticism of you, then it’s much harder to connect with her. If you defend yourself instead of putting yourself in her shoes, then it’s much harder to connect with her. A girl’s painful feelings are not criticism. They are an opportunity to connect with her. I wish [...]

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On "neediness" and dating "rules"

December 23, 2008

“Needy” … it’s a word that gets bandied around a lot. But what does it mean? Can anyone really agree on a definition? I’m dedicating this blog entry to deconstructing and demystifying this word, which is yet another label that IMO creates a lot of unnecessary pain and drama in relationships. So there’s a guy [...]

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Winter Wonderland Interlude

December 23, 2008

Sometimes in the midst of everything, it’s nice to appreciate the simple joys. For me, it doesn’t get much better than this: Happy Holidays, Everyone!!

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I feel a little sad saying this …

December 22, 2008

but I’m more and more convinced that celibacy was the right choice for me. It just led to me feeling a lot more integrity in my relationships. There’s a real purity to getting to know someone without focusing on what their body can give you (which is nothing, btw . It’s probably hard to explain [...]

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Is Erika a "player"?

December 21, 2008

This is a tongue in cheek post, because if you remember from an earlier post, I don’t believe in labels. Nonetheless, because this seems to be a hot topic at the moment, and several friends have suggested that perhaps I am a “player” who doesn’t care about having a committed deeper relationship, I am going [...]

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How I got here (response to a reader question)

December 20, 2008

A blog reader sent me this question a few days ago (I’m answering it on blog with his permission): Hello Erika, I recently stumbled across your blog. Very, very thought-provoking and well worth the read. … So I have a question for you: have you always been this spiritually oriented? And If not, what prompted [...]

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Erika goes to Vegas?

December 20, 2008

I have received some very intriguing invitations for early January in Las Vegas, otherwise known as Disneyland for grown-ups. And as a professional observer of social dynamics and a consummate troublemaker, how can I be expected to resist? The best news is that, if I go, my beloved readers are sure to get some really [...]

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