Before I begin this article, I know many of you are waiting for the second installment of the Vegas Guy seduction story. Not to worry … it’s coming … after I wrote the first article, I also realized there were some takeaway points from his initial approach that I forgot to mention … so I’ll explain those as well, in Part 2.
(And … I’ve been considering how to make this information WAY MORE PRACTICAL for you … truth is, with most guys, even if I tell them in excruciating detail exactly what Vegas Guy did, but many of them still won’t be able to DO IT successfully … because they haven’t cleared out the limiting beliefs and mental and emotional garbage that are in the way, and thus they are not congruent …
This is where my Holistic Belief Reprogramming method comes in … and especially my 15-week course …
What I’m considering is creating some 30-minute tapping/meditation audios specific to each stage of The Perfect Seduction (for example, limiting beliefs about “approaching a woman who’s out of my league”) and offering those for sale here … so guys can quickly become CONGRUENT with executing the Perfect Seduction, not just reading about it.
If these tapping/meditation audios are something you’d be interested in purchasing, please email me at erika@ErikaAwakening.com … if there’s sufficient demand, I will start creating them, and I’d like to customize them to sticking points that are most frustrating for YOU, so please let me know).
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Now on to the topic of the moment: A reader asked me why I recommend that women attend events like the 21 Convention and other men’s conferences that I speak and coach at …
Ever hear the maxim “Seek to understand before seeking to be understood”?
Yeah, it’s pretty fundamental. If you really want to be standing in your own power all of the time, the best way to do that is to have empathy for ALL PERSPECTIVES, especially the perspectives that seem most “unlike” you. For men, that means stepping imaginatively into a woman’s world to understand what she wants and needs. It might mean reading a few Harlequin romances to understand why they are the best selling books on the planet (because most women want to be swept off their feet by a powerful, dominant man).
For women, that means that instead of taking the stuff men do personally, or trying to “fix” them, it is time to take a little venture on the other side of the gender fence and really UNDERSTAND what is going on over there …
To make this really crystal clear, I would like to give you my several years ago Erika perspective BEFORE I studied all the literature on both sides of the gender fence and became a dating/relationship/life coach, contrasted with my current perspective …
BEFORE:
I used to do what most women do: I only read the books and dating advice tailored for women. This included ridiculous and utterly useless books like The Rules. I attempted to implement this advice, with disastrous results. I would not call men, and they still were NOT calling me. I was sharing my feelings with men, and they were responding in ways that made me never want to share my feelings with a man ever again. I took this very personally. I thought it meant there was something wrong with me. I used my dismal results to beat myself up, putting myself in ever deepening negative downward emotional spirals. Nothing was working to improve my dating life.
AFTER:
Fast forward a few years… Erika ventures over to the men’s side of the relationship advice fence, and lo and behold, she discovers … that many men in our modern-day society are TOTALLY PARALYZED. They are feminized. They are UP IN THEIR HEADS. They don’t know how to ask for a woman’s phone number. They don’t know how to secure a second date. They don’t know how to lead. That’s why an entire industry has sprouted up to TEACH THEM.
Erika attends numerous workshops for men, and sees up close and personal how these men (the same men she had been unsuccessfully dating) are STRUGGLING with their own dating lives.
Erika finally sees IT’S NOT ABOUT ME … THESE GUYS ARE STRUGGLING WITH ALL WOMEN. If he didn’t call, it didn’t mean “he just wasn’t into me.” It meant, “He didn’t know what the f*ck he was doing.” It meant, “He was totally emotionally blocked due to earlier traumas in his life, and he is not yet able to connect with ANY woman.”
EVEN IF HE WANTED TO GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT, HE IS NOT CAPABLE OF IT. NOT RIGHT NOW, AT THIS STAGE OF HIS DEVELOPMENT. NOTHING YOU DO OR SAY IS GOING TO CHANGE THIS RIGHT NOW. EASY TO MOVE ON.
Ahhhhh … finally … understanding … I can exhale … I can relax … I can understand something very, very important …
By attending all these workshops for men, MY ability to connect with men and really understand WHERE THEY ARE AT in their lives, is resulting in gradually my own dating results getting BETTER AND BETTER.
Why? Well, for one thing, I’m no longer taking things personally … I can see now that there is a human being on the other side of my interactions, and in many cases that human being is struggling with his own issues that have nothing to do with me …
Meanwhile, I’m learning better and better how to connect with people, men and women, WHEREVER THEY ARE IN THEIR JOURNEY, and I start to understand the difference between a momentary, temporary interaction where both people learn something really valuable, but ARE NOT MEANT TO BE TOGETHER LONG-TERM, not because there is anything wrong with either of them, but because THEY ARE NOT IN THE SAME EMOTIONAL PLACE where they can have sustained growth TOGETHER …
and THE KIND OF MAN WHO CAN MATCH ME, STEP FOR STEP … someone who has reached the same level of evolvement that I have …
I start to be more accepting of people. I’m no longer placing unrealistic demands on them. I don’t expect a man who is STRUGGLING to be able to give me what I want … and I now am an EXPERT … I can instantly recognize men who can or cannot, at their current level of development, give me what I want …
This gives me patience. This teaches me the value of doing nothing. I come to understand that a really masculine man is going to show up for me in a really powerful way immediately … and the rest of men will be friends, momentary learning partners, students of mine, still valuable, still appreciated and loved, but NOT LIFE PARTNER material.
This takes all the pressure off the momentary interactions. This allows me to be a much more relaxed, fully feminine woman. This opens up the space for a man with true life partner potential to find me …
You see where I’m going with this? That’s why men’s success conventions like the 21 Convention are not just for men anymore …
You will have the opportunity to meet dozens of men. From the students who are there, you will learn to understand men’s struggles, and you will no longer take those struggles personally when the result is a man not calling you or not handling a date well … from many of the coaches who are there, you will see a model for men who have developed their masculinity and confidence … from everyone you meet, you will learn more about your own humanity.
“Seek to understand before seeking to be understood.”
Whether you are a man or a woman, you do not want to miss this event …
Love and light,
- Erika 
Erika,
I know EXACTLY what you mean! After listening to a lot of Johnny Soporno’s stuff about how a woman may reject you because it might be a bad time in HER life I was no longer worried about rejection by a woman. I think a HUGE mistake a lot of guys make is becoming resentful of a woman who has rejected them. They need to consider that she might have just gotten out of a bad breakup, and doesn’t want to date ANYONE, or simply because she’s too insecure with herself to see your move for what it is. But still, guys tend to take it as a sign that THEYaren’t good enough and allow it to affect their self esteem.
I think it also burns the bridge between you and that woman. If you just put it out there that you want her, she says no right now (for whatever reason), and you are able to UNDERSTAND and she can feel that, then you never know how that knowledge will manifest in the future. When she gets over whatever she’s dealing with on her end, she may remember that there was this one guy who didn’t take it personally: “he was very understanding (which is already a sign that you’re not like most guys), and I know he wants me.” GUYS, you never know–she might call you out of the blue in a month or two, or four, after initially rejecting you IF you are powerful enough to not allow her rejection to affect your self image
It’s enlightening to realise that almost all of the time it has nothing to do with ME as a person, and more to do with her.
I really love this article and it came at the exact right time for me
I was feeling a lot of anger and resentment about certain issues (mainly when guys make degrading comments or use women for sex). I was struggling with trying to get rid of this anger because it’s not good for me to harbor such negative emotions. Reading this change my perspective and made me realize that those men, are dealing with their own issues. And they need love and support just like anyone else dealing with issues. They may not be open to it (yet) but they still need it none the less. So thank you for this article – it helped me transform my anger into compassion. And I still know that I control my own actions and do not have to deal with stuff – but can still understand and have compassion 
Alex – I really enjoyed your comment too! Nice to hear a man talk about his struggles in a mature way. Takes a very strong man to do that!
Much love!
Jenny